We mustn’t lurk in doorways– it’s rude. One might question your upbringing.
- Ursula the Sea Witch, in Disney’s The Little Mermaid
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Hi! **waves**
I actually like lurking (i.e. reading without commenting) myself — it suits my slow-thinker tendencies, and gives me time to do my research and think critically (well, to *try* and think critically, anyway) before forming my own opinion.
But as a blogger, it’s also nice to know who is reading here. So if you are a regular reader here and feel comfortable sharing, please de-lurk with a general comment. Not sure what to say? Tell me a little bit about yourself, how you found me, why you read here, or just say hi.
Thanks!
37 responses so far ↓
Laura // April 16, 2009 at 10:20 am |
Hello,
I am an adoptive mother of an asian son. I read your blog fairly regularly in an attempt to understand the adoptee side. I want to educate myself but struggle to find the resources. Your blog has been very enlightening and I hope you continue to write. I really appreciate having the opportunity to read about your feelings and experiences. I cannot remember where I found you now, I have been reading for a while. Maybe antiracistparent ? Your post that captivated me most was the Who’s Your Appa? Until I read that post, I could not put words to a very uneasy and strong feeling I had about wearing Omma shirts, rings etc. I could never really explain it to anyone but felt like it was so wrong. Thank you for helping me to find a way to understand it. I am a little pleased that I had a clue that it was wrong but very disappointed that it was the best I could do. I diligently work to improve myself and your blog helps.
Thanks again,
Laura
Tonggu Momma // April 16, 2009 at 7:08 pm |
Hey there! I link to you sometimes in my Sunday linkage, but am pretty much a lurker on adult adoptee blogs. I’m an adoptive momma to a five-year-old whom we adopted from China. I also have several adult cousins who are Korean adoptees.
I think I found you through Margie at Third Mom. I really appreciate learning from you. Thank you so, so much.
eingy // April 16, 2009 at 7:32 pm |
Hi! I have been reading your blog for some time after stumbling here after reading Mama Nabi’s blog, which I had gone to from the Kimchi Mamas site.
I’m neither an adoptee nor an adoptive parent, but it’s something that I have thought a lot about, since reaching the point of wanting to have a family with children. I find a lot of the stuff I read here and in Harlow’s Monkey blog and the Anti-Racist Parents blogs to be extremely thought-provoking and relevant to anyone who has thought about race/culture/ethnicity/identity, especially as it pertains to minorities in the US.
I’ve never felt like I had anything particularly insightful to say, so I’ve just lurked, but it’s nice to be invited to say hi!
So here I am.
Thanks for this blog.
Heather.PNR // April 16, 2009 at 7:43 pm |
Hi! I’m an adoptive parent (domestic) of two. I can’t remember now how I originally found you, but I bet it was a link from Judy or Margie. I think I’ve commented a time or two here, but I’m mostly a devoted lurker.
Louise // April 17, 2009 at 8:08 am |
I can’t even remember how I got here! Not involved in adoption at all, I lived in Japan for several years and made trips over to Korea. Now in Australia I have several Korean friends, plus my son’s best friends are half-Korean. I like your writing style
I guess too that I feel a kind of out-of-placeness with Asia and the West. I speak Japanese and my life there was so formative and has made such an impact on me, yet one that is perhaps not visible in my everyday life. While the things you discuss may not have a direct parallel in my life, you keep me thinking….
atlasien // April 17, 2009 at 9:16 am |
I came here from Harlow’s Monkey, I think.
I have no connection to international adoption, but I’m a multiracial Asian, with a father who’s a non-TRA Asian adoptee, and I’m in an interracial marriage and have a transracially adopted son.
mama d // April 17, 2009 at 9:45 am |
hello: I’m an adoptive mom of three from China. Two are blondes, which makes our race-related experiences all the more interesting. Not sure if I’ve ever commented before, but I enjoy reading your blog and thank you for writing. All perspectives help me prepare.
Mei-Ling // April 17, 2009 at 4:24 pm |
Hey.. you know me; we’ve definitely had our share of conversations via e-mail and exchanges through the comments.
I can’t even remember where I found you from. I think PeaceofRice was the first blog I de-lurked at a few months before I actually started Original Heping… and I think from there – by clicking the links – I came across you 2nd, I think.
Needless to say, I like your blog.
Random Facts About Me: I play piano, (have been doing so for 9 years) and before blogging, I wrote plenty of fanfiction which is where my writing skill came from!
Susan // April 17, 2009 at 10:02 pm |
I’m an adoptive Mom of a daughter from China. I read your blog and many others because they make me think. Most of the commenters above are bloggers that I read, so I’m sure I found you from one of those. (I think it was probably Tonggu Momma, but I’m not sure).
Juliette // April 18, 2009 at 8:45 am |
Hi, I’ve been visiting for a while, can’t recall if I left a comment already.
I am an adoptive Mom from a 5 years old from China. I value very much what you share and learn a lot from it.
Thanks a lot!
colleen // April 19, 2009 at 5:48 pm |
I have commented before but thought I would say ‘hi’ and thank you for your blog. I am a mother to 3 kids (2 bio and 1 adopted from China). Can’t remember where I found you but I know I have been reading you for over a year now.
윤선 // April 20, 2009 at 9:41 am |
Hello!
Well, as you know, I’m another Korean adoptee.^^ You randomly came across my blog one day, and since then, I think we’ve gotten on pretty well! I enjoy reading your blog, as there are so many things I can relate to, and it’s nice knowing that I’m not alone.
I hope we continue reading each other’s blogs for a long time to come! ^_^
Lee // April 20, 2009 at 10:35 am |
This feels like an online IA meeting akin to an AA meeting. “Hi, I’m Lee,” (pausing for the virtual “Hi Lee!” response). I am also an adoptive mom to a daughter from China. I was adopted myself (domestic) and thought my experience might give me a leg up — until I started doing research.
I know you and most other adult transracial adoptees didn’t start your blogs to help educate adoptive parents, but I am so grateful to have you as a reference and sounding board. Really, thank you, especially for the posts that are hard for us to read.
I suspect I found you originally through Margie or Jae Ran, but you’ve been on my blogroll for a while…
Psychobabbler // April 20, 2009 at 6:01 pm |
I don’t remember how I first found your blog – probably via a comment on another blog, but I do remember that I first heard your voice on that infamous “censor the adoptees” NY Times blog. I’m a white adoptive mom with a son and a husband born in India.
eelin // April 21, 2009 at 12:54 am |
Hi there, just accidentally bump into your blog while i am browsing through the net for some info on studying in Korea as a graduate student ..
never been to korea before but really keen to go there and work for some period (just to gain some experience) but is really hard haha ..since i cant speak korean and have no idea about hangul ..but will never give up ..haha ..cheers
nice blog u have here
My name is eelin and i am a Malaysian Chinese, going to graduate as an undergrad this coming may ..Sangshil , nice to meet u !!!
k2. // April 21, 2009 at 10:41 pm |
Hi Sangshil. I’m Karen. I’m yet another AP lurker on your blog. My husband and I adopted identical twin girls from Southern China in 2005.
I don’t remember exactly how I found your blog, but I am extremely glad that I did. I truly appreciate your writing and your honesty. You always make me think.
Thank you.
Sarah Park // April 21, 2009 at 10:55 pm |
Hi Sangshil, I’m Sarah Park and I’m a non-adopted Korean American, advocate of Korean adoptees and youth, and mindless consumer of Jae Ran’s chocolate cheesecakes and mindful consumer of her wisdom. My dissertation research is on transracial Korean adoption in children’s books. Thank you for your posts; I enjoy your blog and have added you to my bloglines. sarahpark.com
btstormb2006 // April 22, 2009 at 2:53 pm |
Hiya Sangshil!
I am admittedly a long time lurker and have recently switched over to a de-lurker. Although a neophyte de-lurker, I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate and enjoy your blog. From what I have read, as a fellow KAD, I share many of your feelings and ideas about being a KAD and the aftermath of transracial adoption. As I have recently begun my birth family search and blog, there are days, I want to sing Kumbaya, while holding hands with fellow KADs, especially when I read blogs like yours. And then, there are the other days….I will keep this G rated! Thanks so much for sharing a piece of you with us.
momsomniac // April 22, 2009 at 5:19 pm |
Hi – I have two sons – one who grew inside me and one being adopted from South Korea (actually, we are waiting on the travel call). I realized awhile back that I needed to read what adoptees had to say (it’s great to read what other APs have to say, but that’s a different matter). My husband was also adopted, and he has some thoughts to share, but he was not TRA.
Your blog is thoughtful about the ethical problems with adoption, without alienating APs.
I am here reading, because I want to understand, as well as possible, what shared experiences Korean-adoptees may have. My main goal is to not to screw up this great gig (being Mommy) too badly!
Thank you.
Sang-Shil // April 26, 2009 at 10:17 pm |
Wow, thank you everyone for de-lurking! (Or for commenting again if it had been a long time… or a short time…)
I had been hoping to write everyone individual responses, but didn’t realize that so many people were reading. Anyway, please know that I’m so very glad to hear from each of you — from people that I knew about but whom I didn’t realize knew about me
, people I’ve never “met” before but whom I’m glad to learn a little more about, to those familiar names and icons.
I’m especially glad to hear from the no-adoption-connection folks. I know this blog is pretty adoption-heavy a lot of the time, but I do enjoy writing about other things and hope (need?) to do more of that in the future. Of course, I’ll have to see what actually happens since every time I announce what I’m going to do, I seem to do the opposite ^^
Anyway, thanks for reading and saying hi; hope to hear from you again soon!
상실
Lori // April 28, 2009 at 12:36 pm |
Hi, I don’t think I’ve commented much? So I guess I’m a lurker.
I’m another white AP to a daughter from China, 5 years old – seems to be a common age for the commenters here.
My daughter has expressed herself in a variety of ways over the years with thoughts about China, about her life in China, about her other family there and how and why she came to be here. She has astounded me many times with how far she has gone, how much she understands, at her age. Many times I have been glad I had tried to have answers ready for when she was 7 or 8, because I have needed them starting from age 3 when she first asked about “real parents”. So far she has expressed more thoughts about adoption than about race. But I see that the friends she chooses are mostly Asian or multiethnic. I am sure that thoughts about race, ethnicity, culture are coming.
I don’t remember now how I first came here though maybe from Harlow’s Monkey or ThirdMom. I was reading a lot of blogs around the time of the NY Times fiasco (and I have never believed much I’ve read in the NYT since). This is one of about half a dozen blogs I read regularly. So – thank you for your insights, and for letting APs come here.
Naomi // May 6, 2009 at 6:51 pm |
Hi,
I’ve posted on here once before but I am usually a lurker
I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts to a wide audience and you keep me thinking.
meadow // May 8, 2009 at 11:47 am |
Hi,
I am also an Adoptive Mother to a child born in China (age 3 now) I fund you probably via harlows Monkey, or Thirdmom, and have enjoyed reading your posts. It is hard to read the Adult adoptee blogs sometimes, but it is important to consider all the viewpoints, as previous commenters have said, it is hard to get the resources. At the beginning of my adoption process I really believed in the myth, in fact all my life I believed in the myth. I had no reason not to. Any adoptee’s I knew personally seemed to ‘give the impression’ of being happy (although now I know tht often that is merely a front or act)
So when I discovered the differing feelings and stories on adoption out there, and did a lot of reading and research needless to say the bubble burst! It was hard at first, but gradually I found it easier and eventually I feel I have gained a lot of insight, which I hope will help me when it comes to raising my daughter, and the difficulties she is sure to face.
Thank you all,
Meadow
Lisa // May 8, 2009 at 7:41 pm |
Hi Sang-Shil,
As you know, I am one of your newer lurkers.
I linked from my favorite blog, chinaadoptiontalk.blogpost.com. I have an 8 year old adopted from China, and a bio son age 14 months. My 8 year old was adopted when I was single.
And, the interest in your posts continues! Thank you for your thoughtful insights.
So, here we are, you have a new blog fan.
Lisa // May 8, 2009 at 7:42 pm |
Oops, I linked from chinaadoptiontalk.blogspot.com. Little typ0 there.
Ansley // May 10, 2009 at 3:41 am |
Hi Sang Shil,
Still here, and with another baby on the way! You know- ecstasy and anguish, as usual.
With Love,
Ansley
Sang-Shil // May 12, 2009 at 7:40 am |
Oooh, more de-lurkers! Hi everyone, and thanks for visiting (and commenting). It’s always good to see familiar names, and also to see new ones; I really do appreciate it. It also reminds me that I’m not just talking to myself here
Ansley — I’ve missed you! I hope that things are going well and that NS is looking forward to being a big brother.
Courtney // May 13, 2009 at 12:01 pm |
Hi,
I’m a “white” adoptive parent of a 5 year old son from South Korea. I think I found your blog from lex-b. (I found hers from a “how to learn any language” forum post.) I’m so glad that you and other adult adoptees are willing to share your feelings and experiences with us–even, especially, when it’s tough to read (for APs)
.
Yesterday, I read your piece “Better than What?” and I was so incensed with the people quoted that I had to pull up the original article. I couldn’t believe these were quotes from 2008—seems much more likely from 1978, or so I had hoped. I was really shocked and amazed at the attitudes of some of the APs, especially the “very American” quote by an international adoption coordinator! And I can’t quite believe that AP that wants to take her daughters back to China to show them how much better off they are in America. I can’t figure out how she could be trying to instill cultural pride in her children and at the same time showing them that she “rescued” them from some horrible “hellhole” country.
My husband and I traveled to Korea to bring our son to the U.S. and can’t wait until he is maybe 7 or 8 to go back and show him what a really cool place Korea is. (I just wish it weren’t a 15+ hour flight…) Our son and I go to Korean school together–he to the 5 year olds’ class and me to an intermediate adult class. We have Korean friends and try to stay connected to the Korean-American community in our area. Unfortunately, we do live in a predominantly “white” area because we just can’t afford to live in an area with a large Asian population. We tried to find something we could afford in an area with a large Korean community but gave up after almost a year. But we try to make Korean “stuff”–especially the language, food, and pop culture (Pororo, K-dramas, anyone?) part of our everyday lives.
I can relate to your quest for that “magic bullet” in learning Korean. I could open a Korean language-learning library with all the books and other materials I’ve bought; that really hit home. But Korean is such a fun language to learn that I keep studying even when I feel like I’m making almost zero progress at times.
Thanks so much for your blog.
Courtney
Sang-Shil // May 15, 2009 at 12:19 pm |
Hi Courtney. Thanks so much for your comment.
I find it interesting that neighborhoods with large numbers of Korean immigrants/Korean-Americans would be so prohibitively expensive. Perhaps the tables have finally turned… ?
Anyway, good luck with your 한국어!
p.s. thanks for the Pororo tip — I’d never heard of him before!
Courtney // May 15, 2009 at 2:50 pm |
Hi Sang-Shil,
Really, from the time I was in high school (graduated h.s. in 1982!), Koreans in Maryland (and Virginia) generally lived in expensive neighborhoods. And those neighborhoods have even more Koreans (and Chinese people too) living in them now. It’s all about which area is deemed to have the best public schools. People will pay a premium to live in those neighborhoods. (The first Korean people I met were the children of doctors, surgeons, and engineers. )
Oh, you have to check out the Pororo video clips on YouTube; look for Pororo Dance–Alex is crazy about it. In fact, I’m going to buy a code free/all region DVD player this weekend so I can buy region 3 videos for Alex (and me). The only region 1 Pororo videos I could find were dubbed in Mandarin. I just want the Korean language ones.
Thinking of Korean DVDs, have you ever seen/used, the K-Drama “Only You” as a study aid? There’s a version of the series, available in 2 volumes (DVD region 1), that comes with a condensed form of the movie + a study guide (for English speaking Korean learners) + the script (in Korean). And it also has optional English language subtitles. While the drama itself isn’t exactly academy award material, it was chosen because of it’s usage of modern spoken Korean. I’ve looked for other Korean movies “formatted” as study material, but haven’t found any others. But it’s a nice way for someone like me, who normally (really) needs subtitles, to learn more conversational Korean.
Really, you’ve got a great blog. Can’t wait to check back a little later.
Courtney
Shin D.P. // May 22, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Coincidence! – I’m from South Korea, born and adopted in 1989, and live also in the more-or-less affluent suburbs of Washington DC.
[I found this blog recently through that NYT drama article that a thousand blogs were screaming at.]
One interesting thing I recall is that while my parents “gave me the choice” to attend Korean events (I only remember going to one) and go to Korean school, I didn’t want to. Why didn’t I? I have no clue. But I was given the choice, right? So is it my fault for not accepting, or should adoptive parents force their children to retain their native culture?
Probably neither…such is the blanket ambiguity of being “American”, or living the “American condition”, I suppose.
Ansley // May 22, 2009 at 2:39 am |
Thanks for the shout out! I’ll write you an email and send a pic someday soon. That is, if you are still talking to me after that “Open Letter”!
courtney // June 9, 2009 at 3:40 pm |
Hi I am a reader, and have posted a couple of times. I am the AP of a 4 year old little girl adopted from Korea, and a 6 yo and 18 month old, bio sons. I came to your blog from Harlow’s monkey originally I think. I am sincerly greatful to you and other adoptees, who have allowed me to “listen in” on their personal thoughts and feelings, I have learned so much. I know that my daughter will benefit, but came to a realization the other day about how much I have benefitted. We had a graduation get together for a friend who is Korean American. When I looked at who was at the party, I realized of 30 plus people in attendance, less then 10 were caucasion. This is truly representative of changes I have made in my life, after listening to you and other KAD’s, to fit into my daughter’s world instead of her fitting into mine. I originally sought Korean people to help be mentors for my daughter (evidence of my white privedged thinking) and though I have discovered that, I have also found some of the dearest friends of my life. I am so thankful and fortunate to have had my world opened up by my wonderful daughter, you and other’s who have let me listen in.
Sang-Shil // June 16, 2009 at 12:17 am |
Hi courtney! *waves* So glad to hear from you again. It’s hearing things like your efforts to fit into your daughter’s world that give me hope for future generations. Although the fit may never be perfect, I definitely think that effort counts for a lot.
Luckypennyx2 // October 21, 2009 at 10:20 am |
hi!
i found your blog through a link on Resist Racism. I wanted to learn more about the Sang-shil behind “Because Sang-shil said so.” So i decided to check you out.
your blog is really great.
Sang-Shil // October 22, 2009 at 8:59 pm |
Hi luckypennyx2 — thanks for stopping by; I’ll try to check out your blog at some point also!
Anna // November 5, 2009 at 11:04 am |
Hi Sang-Shil,
You helped me when my son was going thru grief and loss for his first mother and I did not know how to help my desperately sad 5 year old deal with his pain and grief.
You had also given me your password that I’ve since misplaced due to changing emails, broken computers, etc.
I’m still here two years later, still reading and hope to continue learning and learning and learning some more…