It’s At Times Like This

… that I wish I prayed.

Sending peace and warm thoughts tonight

to a friend who needs them more than I do.

<3 <3 <3

NOT Every Day

Since I think I’m averaging about a post a month here these days, I am certainly not going to post every day during the month of November.  (We can just call it NO-Na-Blo-Po-Mo.)  But I do want to try and post more, however mundane or trite or non-adoption related (or short) it might be.

Some of the blogs that I am most interested in these days are what I think of as “small blogs” — they are tend to be very personal, very intimate, and very few people read them (at least judging from the number of comments and feed subscribers).  But the writing is deep, thoughtful, funny, and earnest.  Intense without slamming you over the head with SCREAMING CAPS and bold and italics (OR EVEN ALL THREE!).  Most of the bloggers are Korean adoptees, but the blogs are not “adoption” blogs per se — and I love that.  I get to see people as full people, or at least fuller than the narrow lens of adoption will reveal.

Maybe, for a month, I can try that out, see if it fits… and see if anyone is still here on November 30th

Quoted

ETA:  The words I chose to quote below are actually written by Reappropriate blogger Jenn about her own experience, even though her original post was about Chris Chu, Cabinet Secretary. Please click here to read Jenn’s full post and get the original context from which this was excerpted.  I’ll try and remember to elaborate my own thoughts and commentary on this in a separate entry.

Jenn writes (of herself) on her blog Reappropriate:

I took Chinese classes on Saturday mornings for 13 years, and for most of that time, I hated it. It was something my mom made me do, and I couldn’t understand why I had to spend my days at a Chinese cultural center while all my friends got to sleep in and watch Saturday morning cartoons.

Only as I got older did I realize the value of learning about my language and my heritage. When I was fourteen or so, my mother gave my sister and I the choice to quit Chinese classes or to continue taking them until we graduated from high school. I volunteered to continue while my sister quit.

[...]

My mother always used to say that even though we were in North America, our faces looked Chinese; we will always be different and we can’t lose touch with what that means. Now that I am an adult, and living as an Asian person in America, I find myself truly respecting the unique language and culture that is, regardless of time and distance, a part of me.

Click here to read the full post (which is actually about Chris Chu, Cabinet Secretary, and his first trip to China).

Happy Chuseok!

Even though many things have been changed by Korea’s rapid industrialization, urbanization, and globalization, family remains the bedrock of Korean society. Chusok is a celebration of family—both past and present.

- Eun Mee Kim, “Chusok: The Korean Thanksgiving”

These last few years, I’ve wondered how to celebrate a holiday that is almost universally about “family” when the only family I know never bothered to learn that said holiday even exists.  Descriptions of Chuseok in Korea invariably involve the words “family” and “hometown,”  and frequently describe long sojourns back to one’s hometown in order to visit with family…. but what do you do when you have neither?

All I can say is, thank God for the Korean adoptees I know in real life… and, of course, 소주! ^ ^

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For women, Chuseok usually involves days and days of cooking.  I haven’t been cooking much Korean food lately, but the photos in this e-book from Aeri’s Kitchen are almost inspiring me to start again.  If you haven’t gotten your copy yet, click on over — it’s free!

Rest In Peace, Clio Dahyun Axilrod

When I first read this story about a 7-year-old girl who was killed in Hurricane Bill over the weekend, what jumped out at me was Clio’s Korean-sounding middle name.  That, coupled with a non-Korean-sounding last name, tripped my My KADar enough to send me Googling for more info.

Within a few clicks I found this article, which says that she was indeed adopted — though apparently from China***, not Korea.  (As an aside, I’m not entirely comfortable with stories that feel the need to mention someone is adopted when it has absolutely nothing to do with the story being reported.  However, it certainly does make this kind of research easier.)

This is so sad.

I can’t imagine what Clio’s American parents must be feeling right now, to have lost the little girl that they presumably waited so long to hold in their arms for the first time.

But my heart is also breaking for Clio’s Chinese parents, who likely knew nothing about her life, let alone her death.  As devastating as any loss is, it is that much harder when you have no memories to replay in your head, no “good times” to gather around your shoulders when the loneliness creeps in.  This is ambiguous loss, my friends, and it sucks.

Rest in peace, Clio Dahyun Axilrod, fellow adoptee.  I’m thinking of you and all of your family members today.

*** Edited to add:  Please read my comment below.

Article: “Another Country, Not My Own” (Hopgood)

Most people who have been reading adult adoptee blogs for a while probably won’t find anything new in the article titled “Another Country, Not My Own” by Mei-Ling Hopgood.  It’s largely the same stuff that I’ve seen around the blogosphere for a while now — some of which I agree with, and some of which makes me distinctly uncomfortable.  In fact, I thought the most compelling parts of the article were when she quoted other people:

Sociologist Heather Jacobson told me the romanticization of culture is common among the adoptive families she interviewed for her book, “Culture Keeping: White Mothers, International Adoption, and the Negotiation of Family Difference.” Jacobson said mothers with children from China told her they felt a deep connection with the country of China, its traditions, and people.

Yet, she also noted, “it did not translate into actual friendships or deep meaningful day-to-day relationships with Chinese people here in the United States.” Most of the women she spoke to wanted their children to have more contact with immigrant Chinese – rather than, say, third-generation Chinese-Americans – because they were more genuinely “Chinese.” The traditional culture – fan dances, tea ceremonies, and holidays – is more accessible, more alluring, than the actual, complicated experience of being Asian American.

And:

“So often families are more comfortable talking about culture because culture is something that we can celebrate, and food, music, and other fun things can be associated with culture,” said Amanda Baden, who was adopted from Hong Kong, and is now a Manhattan psychologist who advises adoptive families. Being open to talking about race is just as important, she said.

Read the entire article here.

Protected: A Year of Growth

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Heat Wave

It’s a good thing I don’t believe in fan death, because otherwise I might be dead.  Yeah, it’s pretty hot around here.

I asked my language partner how to say “fan death” in Korean, and he gave me this funny look.  He said that Koreans don’t really have a special term for this, uh, very real and dangerous phenomenon, but he did teach me how to say “fan” (선풍기 = sonpoongi).

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This is the same language partner who, when I went to refill my paper cup with water, grabbed it from my hand and insisted on getting it for me.  When he returned to our table he told me proudly:  “In Korea, we are teach to help old people.”  I don’t think I’d ever aged that fast before — from 누나 (nuna, or “older sister”) to 할머니 (halmoni, or “grandmother”) in 30 seconds. 아이구!

Unfortunately that language partner just moved to Virginia, which he told me he was dreading because it was “too hot”.  However, if he stayed here  he’d have to deal with the heat AND the lack of an H-Mart, so at least he’s gone to where the goods are!

One Year Ago Today, Our Tears

…flowed like the Han River,

carrying our sorrow to mingle with your body in the earth,

as our love joined the light of your spirit in the skies.

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We remember… Julia Ji-Hye Mendelson.

If you have a moment, take a look at some of the outpouring of emotions that followed Julia’s passing one year ago today, on May 31 2008.

We miss you, Julia 지혜.

prayer rocks at Bongeun Temple, Korea; photograph (c) Sang-Shil Kim

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trees and sky at Namhansanseong, Korea; photograph (c) Sang-Shil Kim

STILL In Love With This:

Red Mango in the U.S., April 2009:

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Red Mango in Korea, April 2008 (clearly I still like the same toppings):