Julia

For people who haven’t heard yet, Korean adoptee blogger Julia passed away this morning, two days after her 25th birthday.

Julia, we all will miss you so very much…

you are incredibly and deeply loved.

Like these towers of prayer rocks,

we are all reaching our arms to the sky

and embracing your beautiful light.

(all pictures taken by Sang-Shil Kim at Namhansanseong, April 2008 )

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I think one of the most amazing things about Julia’s story is the number of people she managed to impact during her life. For those of us left behind, part of our comfort is in our numbers, so please visit these other tributes to Julia as well:

The Light that is Julia and Julia by Margie (Third Mom)

Remembering Julia by Ji In (Sixth Sister)

Does the Internet Cry? and From Stillness to Action by Allison (RainbowFriends.net)

good-bye, Julia by Judy (JustEnjoyHim)

Southern quadrant, second spiral by Theresa (Ungrateful Little Bastard)

Julia by Sumeia (Ethnically Incorrect Daughter)

Julia and A Light for Julia by Jae Ran (Harlow’s Monkey)

shadows of winter by Kev Minh (Borrowed Notes)

The Loss of Julia by Possum (Possum’s Place)

Julia by Juli (Grinding Up Stones)

For Julia by MH (Random Acts of KADness)

Julia by Paula (Heart, Mind and Seoul)

Julia by resistance (Resist Racism)

Julia by issycat (Adopt This!)

May 31 was a sad day by amyadoptee (Adoption And Its Triad)

Goodbye to two sisters by Eun Mi (Living, Laughing, Whining… as a Korean adoptee)

I Feel Like I Lost a Friend Today by BethGo (It’s Really Me)

My Jules and A blessing by Tim (Little KAD Prince)

Julia by Susan (ReadingWritingLiving)

Goodbye, Dear Julia by Coco (Mommyhood and Life)

May Your Light Keep Shining by Soon-Young (Serenity In Seoul)

Learning From a Sad Event by atlasien (Upside-Down Adoption)

Thank You and Eulogy by John

I can’t stop thinking about… by Ansley (Noble Seoul)

RIP Julia by Gang-Shik (Transracial Korean Adoptee Nexus)

Blank by Papa2Hapa (Noraebang)

Seoul Food

A few posts ago in one of the comments, junemoon expressed an interest in reading about my “food adventures” while in Korea. I don’t know if I had anything particularly “adventurous,” but I did try some new things that I hadn’t tried before, and I certainly ate a lot of good food!

One of my favorite restaurants was called 본죽 (which I think in English might be something like “Bon Juk”). It was a chain with a location right next to our subway station, and only serves 죽, or rice porridge. I liked the chonbok juk (전복죽), or abalone porridge, the best. Here’s a picture of what it looked like:

Another time we got the shrimp juk (새우죽), shown below with side dishes (반찬):

As you may have noticed, it comes served in one large bowl and then you ladle it out into smaller bowls. On our first visit we didn’t realize that each order served two people, and ended up with twice enough food as we could eat. (The person working there tried to explain it to us, but this was just one example of how my Korean language skills were not nearly as adequate as I was hoping they would be.) Anyway, we learned our lesson and on subsequent visits we shared a single order.

We also ate lots of noodle dishes, including kalguksu (갈국수), which has noodles in a chicken-like broth with lots of shredded 김 (dried seaweed) on top:

I don’t have pictures, but we also had soba noodles (메밀), cellophane noodles (잡채), and naeng myun (냉면) several times. My personal favorite was jajangmyun (자짱면), which is noodles in black bean sauce:

For those of you who have seen the K-drama Fantasy Couple, I definitely felt like the character with whom I share my blogging name!

On several occasions I ordered another one of my favorite Korean foods, soft tofu stew with seafood (순두부찌개). In Korea this dish usually included fully-headed shrimp, which were never in the versions that I ordered back home. I’m not a fan of eyes looking back at me as I eat, but it tasted delicious (the white things on top that look like bean sprouts are actually mushrooms):

And to drink, of course, there was soju (소주)!

When we weren’t eating at a meal, we were eating between meals. There was inexpensive kimbap (김밥) everywhere, although finding it without ham/Spam wasn’t always easy. I could eat the stuff in this picture all day:

For dessert, my favorite things were Red Mango and the spongey rice cakes with 앵두차, which I already posted pictures of. But occasionally I could also be found eating green tea ice cream — this picture was taken at a Cold Stone and had Oreo cookies mixed in:

If folks were hoping for stories of live octopus, silkworms, or anything even more… adventurous, well, I’m sorry to disappoint. On this trip I realized that I actually wasn’t as adventurous an eater as I like to think I am sometimes. But that didn’t stop me from eating large amounts of food — it’s a good thing that we were doing an incredible amount of walking along with all that eating!

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This may just be because I love to eat, but I think that food is an incredibly important way of connecting to Korea and Korean culture. When I sit down in front of a bubbling bowl of 순두부찌개 I feel not only happier, but also “more Korean” somehow. As I’ve written about before, my family really didn’t eat Korean food growing up, and I wonder if that’s one of the reasons that I can’t get enough of it now. I’m not exaggerating when I say that the food was one of the best parts of my trip, and is certainly one of the things that I miss the most now that I’m back in the U.S.

All photographs (c) Sang-Shil Kim

An Inconvenient Truth

Adoption was my parents’ second choice. I don’t know exactly how far down the infertility treatment path they went, and I’m not sure that I really want to know just how distant their second choice was from their first. How many years of trying. How many dollars in futile doctor’s visits and medications and hormones and injections. I mean, it’s bad enough being second choice — I’m not sure I want

Run

For the most part I don’t go looking for adoption-related fiction, I really don’t. True, I looked for The English American after reading about it on an adoption-related blog, but after I finished it I was in the mood for something different… something non-adoption, perhaps.

So I went to our local library and picked up Run, by Ann Patchett, off of a display table. I vaguely remembered reading Bel Canto a few years back and I vaguely remembered liking it, so I read the flap copy for Run and headed for the circulation desk. As it turns out, two of the main characters in Run are transracially adopted, and the theme of what makes a family surfaces throughout the book. This isn’t a book review and so I won’t say anything more — I just thought it was ironic that my adoption-obsessed self couldn’t catch a break the one time I happened to be looking for one.

I wonder about these instances where adoption seems to find me in unexpected ways, even when I am not looking for it. Is there something in my unconscious that is searching out this stuff when I’m not looking? Can I sense these themes within pages that I have not yet read? Or is this just a sign that we truly are becoming an “adoption nation,” with more and more people aware of some form of adoption, even if they are not directly impacted by it?

It seems that when it comes to adoption I can run, but I can’t hide…. and believe me, there are times when I just want to hide.

All The Love In The World

All the love in the world won’t change the the fact that I was abandoned (or left-to-be-found, or whatever language makes you feel better).

All the love in the world won’t change the reason(s) why I was left at the gate of an orphanage. And in case you’re new to this blog, I have ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE of what those reasons are.

All the love in the world won’t change the fact that I wasn’t my adoptive parents’ first choice. No, second choice does not equal second best… but can you see how it might feel that way from an adoptee’s perspective?

All the love in the world won’t change the fact that I have lost my original country, language, culture, and family…. and that I’m having a hell of a hard time getting them back.

All the love in the world won’t fill the emptiness that I feel deep down inside, in the place where most people have a soul.

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I’m not saying that love doesn’t matter. Just that sometimes it isn’t enough.

Hiking – Inwangsan

(Yeah, I’m still writing posts about my trip to Korea. I’m almost done, I promise.)

Judging from the number of people on the subways clad in North Face jackets, loaded backpacks, boots, and wielding aluminum rods resembling ski poles, hiking seems to be one of Korea’s national pasttimes. Although we lacked the requisite gear (which includes an ajumma sun visor, for women of a certain age), we like hiking and wanted to take advantage of the beautiful weather.

Our trusty Lonely Planet Korea guide had led us a bit astray with Namhansanseong, but we decided to give it another chance with a hike up a nearby mountain called Inwangsan. Unfortunately, we were not off to a great start — we had problems finding the street that led to the start of the trail, and found ourselves wandering through one of the hillside apartment complexes that we had probably seen from Seoul Tower. (This led LB to rename our guidebook “Lousy Planet,” a name which only seemed to apply when we wanted to go hiking.)

Finally we found part of the old fortress wall, and I was able to ask someone how to get to the other side. In this picture you can see one of the last apartment buildings on the left, the fortress wall to the right, and the mountain in the background:

From there we found the trail, and began climbing. The path seemed to border something that they wanted to keep people out of, since this fence ran right along where we were walking (they had security cameras mounted on the fence as well):

And to add to the sense of adventure, we saw this sign posted numerous places as we made our ascent. I don’t understand the Korean, but I think the meaning is pretty clear:

There were several times when we reached what I thought was the top, only to find that we were not yet. From the place where this picture was taken, we climbed down the steps with the railing, along the concrete paving stones to the left where there was no railing… and then started climbing the rest of the mountain in the background. I’m not sure if that’s actually the top of the mountain, but I think it was at least close:

And finally, after all that climbing, we were rewarded with these views of Seoul:

Finding our way down was a bit of an adventure as well, mostly because I was thirsty and thus wanted to follow the arrow-sign that said “spring” on it. However, after the spring the path leading down was blocked by a razor-wire topped locked gate, and at that point I really didn’t feel like climbing halfway up the mountain again to find our original path. Then the herd mentality took over and we followed some other hikers who shared our dilemma, and eventually we all made it to back to civilization (actually, a little place called Sajik Park).

I always get a little nostalgic thinking about this hike, because we did it near the end of the trip when our time left in Korea was running short. This is also the hike that made me think that if I were ever to stay in Korea for any length of time, investing in some of those hiking poles just might be a good idea.

And to my horror, I began to warm up to the idea of an ajumma hat as well.

E for Excellent

I’ve had a lot of post ideas in my head recently demanding to be let out, and was just about to sit down and try to coax at least one of them into emerging when I saw that Jennifer at Mixed Race America gave me this “E for Excellent” Award:

Um, did I mention that I was (and still am) incredibly flattered? Jennifer is a professor of Asian-American literature, and blogs about race (and mixed-race) issues from a perspective that is informed by both her academic training and her own experiences as a person of color (and, of course, her keen observation of Tiger Woods!). If you haven’t checked out Mixed Race America yet — well, what are you waiting for?

And now I get to pass this on to four other bloggers. Although I do write about other things, I try to keep most of my posts focused on either Korea or adoption (or both).  So it shouldn’t be surprising that those connections are seen in the blogs I’m choosing (listed in the order that they appear in my blog reader):

My Life Postponed: Sue probably has no idea that I read her blog, since I don’t think I’ve ever commented there although I’ve wanted to several times. (And if that makes me a lurker, well, then I guess I’m a lurker.) What I like about Sue’s blog is getting to see real-life transracial adoptive parenting in action from someone who is informed and aware, and whose writing is as genuine and authentic as she is.

Ungrateful Little Bastard: Theresa is an adoptee from the Baby Scoop Era, and recently wrote a series of posts about her trip to Philly to connect with her birth family. I’d say more but I’d rather that you go and read her story through her own words, since mine can hardly do it justice. Theresa’s writing is honest and pulls no punches, and I just love that.

Harlow’s Monkey: Jae Ran’s blog provides excerpts and links to just about every adoption and child-welfare-related news story (often minutes after they hit the wires), and occasionally her own commentary or reflections on her personal experiences. Not only is Jae Ran a Korean adoptee (we actually came through the same orphanage in Korea), but she is also a social worker who is starting a doctoral degree in social work this fall.

MN’s blog: MN has needed to go under password for a while and so I’m not linking, but those of you who read her know what I mean when I say that she (and her blog) kick some serious a$$. She is is one hell of a strong woman, great mother, and talented writer. I have no idea how she finds the time not only to do everything that she does, but to then go and write about it too! If I start putting snarky snippets of conversations with stupid people in my future posts, it’s because I want to write like MN.

You all know how these things work — now Sue, Theresa, Jae Ran, and MN can pick 4 blogs that they deem “excellent” and pass on the love.

Well, I think that’s it… and thanks again to Jennifer for the kudos!

Bongeun Temple

On the way back from Olympic Park, we stopped at Bongeun Temple again, near the COEX mall. We had been there briefly before but hadn’t been able to stay long, and for some reason I felt it calling to me again.

This is the road just after passing through the main gate; you can see the edge of a little garden with flowers and statues off to the right:

Here’s a full-length picture of the statue of Buddha that I posted previously:

The raised platform that the woman is sitting on looked like polished granite, and was very smooth and shiny. I wanted to sit on it and think peaceful thoughts, so I took off my shoes where I saw the other people had and stepped up. I was surprised to find that it was heated, like an ondol floor, and I found the warmth especially soothing and relaxing.

Afterwards, we wandered around the temple grounds for a bit and I took more pictures. The sun was setting, and I thought the light in these photos was especially beautiful:

In addition to the picture of the prayer rocks that I posted earlier, there were also tiny statues sitting in seemingly random locations. I like to think of this last picture as a reminder that grace and tranquility can be found in unexpected places, if only we can slow down for a minute and look.

Equal Marriage in California!

Some things are just plain civil rights — including racial equality, adoptees’ right to their original birth certificates, and the right to marry.

Vienna Teng is an Asian-American singer-songwriter, and wrote this song when her home city of San Francisco first started performing same-sex marriages in February of 2004.

It seemed like a great way to celebrate the recent news from California, so here’s a video from YouTube (my first embedded video!) and the lyrics:

City Hall

lyrics and music by Vienna Teng

me and my baby on a february holiday
’cause we got the news
yeah, we got the news
500 miles and we’re gonna make it all the way
we’ve got nothing to lose
we’ve got nothing to lose

it’s been 10 years waiting
but it’s better late than the never
we’ve been told before
we can’t wait one minute more

oh, me and my baby driving down
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall
oh, me and my baby stand in line
you’ve never seen a sight so fine
as the love that’s gonna shine
at city hall

me and my baby’ve been through
a lot of good and bad
learned to kiss the sky
made our mommas cry
I’ve seen a lot of friends
after giving it all they had
lay down and die
lay down and die

10 years into it
here’s our window
at the vegas drive-thru chapel
it ain’t too much
for ‘em all to handle

oh, me and my baby driving down
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall
oh, me and my baby stand in line
you’ve never seen a sight so fine
as the love that’s gonna shine
at city hall

outside, they’re handing out
donuts and pizza pies
for the folks in pairs in the folding chairs
my baby’s lookin’ so damned pretty
with those anxious eyes
rain-speckled hair
and my ring to wear

10 years waiting for this moment of fate
when we say the words and sign our names
if they take it away again someday
this beautiful thing won’t change

oh, me and my baby driving down
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall
oh, me and my baby stand in line
you’ve never seen a sight so fine
as the love that’s gonna shine

oh, me and my baby driving down
to a hilly seaside town in the rainfall
oh, me and my baby stand in line
you’ve never seen a sight so fine
as the love that’s gonna shine
at city hall

Two down… forty-eight to go.

This just in: Jennifer at Mixed Race America wrote a great post about the history of California’s marriage laws, including interracial marriage laws — check it out!

Prayer Rocks for Julia

As I understand it, the little (or sometimes not-so-little) piles of rocks and stones that you see at Buddhist temples and along hiking trails are prayer rocks, or wishing stones. A pile is built to represent a prayer or wish, and is often added to by other people as they pass by and add their own rocks, along with their own prayers and wishes. A random website I found says this:

Along the trails in Korea you see piles of rocks. A prayer will be said as the rock is put on the pile. By attaching a stone to another rock’s surface is a better chance of having your prayer answered. The stack of rocks can become very high.

I saw many of these prayer rocks while I was in Korea, and am posting this picture to share my wishes for fellow Korean adoptee blogger Julia (Julia’s JAM), who is battling leukemia.

Julia, I wish you health, and a long and happy life — because I know that you’re simply not done.

Also, if you are reading this and are of Asian descent, please consider joining me in registering to be a bone marrow/stem cell donor through the Asian American Donor Program; you could help save a life.

prayer rocks at Bongeun Temple; photograph (c) Sang-Shil Kim